PAIN & GAIN (Rated R)

Hollywood delivers surprises when you least expect them. Who would guess that director Michael Bay, famous for big-budget action films like the “Transformers” franchise, would come up with a stunning dark comedy?

Bay likes to blow up things, wreaking havoc and creating mayhem, just for the fun of it. As he indulges his every fiery whim, the director wants the audience to get its money’s worth for his love of gratuitous excess.

“Pain & Gain,” a comedy of the absurd and devoid of major explosions, is definitely not a film in director Bay’s wheelhouse. It would be like Mel Brooks directing an Ingmar Bergman-like depressing Swedish drama.

The story is about three dim-witted bodybuilders at Miami’s Sun Gym, whose minimal brain power has been further atrophied by the use of steroids and other drugs, hatching a kidnap scheme of a wealthy fitness client.

The ringleader is Daniel Lugo (Mark Wahlberg), a personal trainer with delusions of grandeur who has been affected by a motivational speaker (Ken Jeong) to become in his words a “doer” instead of a “don’t-er.”

Lugo targets his filthy rich client Victor Kershaw (Tony Shalhoub), a man of dubious character himself who has likely acquired his wealth by less than savory means, sheltering money off-shore and investing in a string of franchise delis.

To assist in his desperate scheme to achieve the American dream with ill-gotten gains, Lugo recruits fellow physical trainers Adrian Doorbal (Anthony Mackie) and Paul Doyle (Dwayne Johnson).

Doorbal has lost his sexual prowess due to an excess use of steroids. This is a problem because he wants to marry his plus-size nurse girlfriend (Rebel Wilson) and settle down to suburban living.

Recently released from prison, Doyle found Jesus on the inside and now wants a clean living, and yet the sway of Lugo leads him astray, to say nothing of his newfound fondness for cocaine.

The scheme is to kidnap Kershaw and force him to sign over his waterside mansion and numerous bank accounts. The trio of losers is so bad at execution of the plot that it takes them several tries to nab their victim. Each failed attempt proves funnier than the previous one.

Once they have Kershaw stashed in a warehouse, the cretins engage in awkward and ham-fisted efforts to torture their captive into submission. For his part, Kershaw proves very resilient and not easy to break.

In fact, they can’t even kill Kershaw, who ends up in a hospital where the police find it difficult to believe the victim’s story. Only a retired detective (Ed Harris) begins to suspect that his colleagues messed up.

Meanwhile, for a time, Lugo and company live high on the hog, buying expensive homes, and in the case of Doyle, snorting a lot of dough right up the nostrils.

One of the funniest scenes involves Lugo clumsily trying to ingratiate himself with his new wealthy neighbors by hosting a Neighborhood Watch meeting, assisted by his two cohorts high on drugs.

This trio of criminal lame-brains is so incompetent that even their most egregious acts of violent unlawful behavior are patently ludicrous and thus disturbingly and diabolically funny.

There’s nothing in this film that glorifies these thugs and their moronic plans, nor makes them into sympathetic characters. No, these guys are first-rate losers, destined for the eventual fall.

Like most delusional characters, they also don’t know when to quit. Thanks to Doyle’s frantic need for coke money, a scheme to kidnap a porn king (Michael Rispoli) goes even more badly.

“Pain & Gain” has a warped sense of humor. A casual scene at a barbecue to destroy physical evidence appears inspired by the Coen Brothers (“Fargo,” a prime example).

Every so often, a subtitle flashes on screen as a reminder that this is a true story, something that becomes increasingly difficult to believe since the entire chronicle of weird criminality is so utterly nutty.

However uneasy one may feel on occasions of some nasty violence being perpetrated, “Pain & Gain” is insanely funny, crazy, wacky, strange, weird, ludicrous, disturbing and often unsettling.

Despite claims to the contrary, Michael Bay likely took a few liberties with the true story – you know, the obligatory dramatization needed for a two hour movie.

In a follow-up to this movie, a smart move will require reading the series of articles, upon which “Pain& Gain” is based, from Miami New Times columnist Pete Collins. I know that’s my plan.

TCM CLASSIC FILM FESTIVAL UPDATE    

Speaking of Mel Brooks, as he’s mentioned above, one of the highlights of the TCM Classic Film Festival, recently concluded in Hollywood, was the presence of the famed comedy director for a showing of “The Twelve Chairs.”

Brooks talked briefly about his filming experience in the then-nation of Yugoslavia, cracking a few jokes about dictator Tito’s use of the country’s only vehicle on Saturday nights.

In the canon of Brooks’ comedies, “The Twelve Chairs,” sandwiched between “The Producers” and “Blazing Saddles,” is often overlooked. Among other things, it’s a subdued but comically brilliant skewering of the Soviet Union.

TCM celebrated the 50th anniversary of Stanley Kramer’s zany comedy “It’s A Mad Mad Mad Mad World,” a rare feat for a director whose career was all about message movies like “The Defiant Ones” and “Judgment at Nuremberg.”

For the festival, the film was screened in its original 70 millimeter format on the big screen of the Cinerama Dome, which Kramer’s widow described as having been built exclusively for the release of this comedy.

Sadly, the recently deceased Jonathan Winters was scheduled to appear with other cast members Barrie Chase, Mickey Rooney and Marvin Kaplan to talk about the filming.

“It’s A Mad Mad Mad Mad World” is notable for the large cast of characters involved in a madcap search for buried treasure.

Comic greats like Phil Silvers, Sid Caesar, Milton Berle and Don Knotts graced the screen and are sadly missed. Kramer’s homage to American comedy still stands as a masterpiece.

Tim Riley writes film and television reviews for Lake County News.