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Usually, it’s just fun to scope out the players milling around the beachfront hotel’s grand entry, watching the inevitable hustle of film deals about to go down. But then, I gaze out the windows facing the expansive beach, wishing that I were somehow magically transported to the French Riviera.
Waking from my reverie, I realize that November’s chilly air in Southern California will guarantee that starlets in bikinis won’t be catching the eye of grateful paparazzi. Glamor gives way to the hard realities of the AFM’s prime reason for existence, namely bringing together buyers and sellers of films, TV programs and videos into one big, glorious orgy of screening 445 motion pictures in 27 languages over the span of eight days.
Who can possibly watch that many movies? I calculated that it might be possible to see approximately 100 films, give or take a few, over that period of time if only one endured them in a 24-hour per day marathon.
Foregoing an impossible film schedule, the next best thing appeared to be a visit to the hospitality suite of the infamous Troma Pictures, a company that embraces schlock cinema with the blind devotion normally found in a cult.
Troma made a name for itself with “Surf Nazis Must Die” and “The Toxic Avenger” series, classic films that remain prominent in the company’s catalog. I was hoping for something really outrageous, but discovered Troma is still pushing “Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead,” a film so bad that it got the nerds from “Ain’t It Cool News” worked up into an approving frenzy.
Realizing that sex sells around the globe, the Troma folks are also pushing “The Sexy Box,” which is nothing but a descriptive term for the packaging of four sex comedies that were apparently made long before anyone thought “Porky’s” was a good idea.
Despite the garish displays in its suite, Troma hasn’t cornered the market on bad taste or even low-rent horror films. Still, it’s a challenge to find advertising flyers that trump the delightful grotesqueness of the Troma marketing plan.
Giving it a try is a company called Imagination, which promotes “Smash Cut” with the picture of a leggy young nurse holding two bloody, severed hands. Idream Independent Pictures is selling “Fired” by using the imagery of a woman’s naked torso as she holds a decapitated head in her bloody hands behind her back.
All in all, the bad taste award goes to Amadeus Pictures for its film “Polanski,” which illustrates the vile Polish film director in the throes of forcing himself upon an underage girl. Incredibly enough, the advertising flyer notes that Roman Polanski was involved in a “sex scandal and fled to France where he has lived a rather reclusive life.” A sex scandal is when a prominent politician is fooling around with an intern of legal age, paying an expensive call girl for kinky sex, and running off to Argentina for a tryst with a “soul mate.” Unlike dumb politicians, Polanski is a criminal who belongs in jail, notwithstanding what some dimwitted Hollywood types would like to believe.
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and this idiom is perfectly useful at AFM. Fred Dryer, not heard from since his TV series “Hunter,” is starring as a county sheriff in “Death Valley.” He’s not to be confused with the considerably younger Eric Christian Olsen, who’s starring in another “Death Valley,” which is about a violent motorcycle gang.
Imitation also takes shape in the similarity of advertising. Two beautiful blondes are featured in similar seductive poses for the films “Women in Trouble” and “Stripped Naked,” with the only difference being that the babe in the latter film is also holding a gun, mainly because she’s described as having “a killer body and a gun.”
AFM is the place to come to find the forgotten stars of yesterday. Look, it’s Peter Falk and George Segal starring as old cronies on a road trip from Florida to Sin City in “3 Days to Vegas.” I am embarrassed to say that I didn’t know Peter Falk was still alive, but the Internet says he’s been placed in a conservatorship. Hey, that probably beats working in a film that might not even get a video release.
Amazingly, Dolph Lundgren is still making movies, but it should not be surprising that in “Icarus” he plays a trained KGB assassin. As long as filmmakers need someone to pay a Soviet heavy, Lundgren’s career remains safe, at least for now.
Action pictures will always be a staple for the AFM crowd, as these pictures, unlike comedies, often translate well to foreign markets. I particularly like the advertising flyer for “Rambo V: The Savage Hunt.” After recently completing “Rocky XXII,” Sylvester Stallone, likely qualifying any day now for Medicare, remains an unstoppable force.
The same probably can’t be said for Arnold Schwarzenegger, even as his political career winds down. The Governator is not going to be starring in the 2010 version of “Conan,” a project being promoted by Nu Image, even though no actor has apparently yet signed on to flex his muscles.
I’d like to end on an upbeat note, but first I must point out that the spirit of Mel Brooks still lives, though now in a foreign land. “Hitler Goes Kaput” looks like a piece of inspired lunacy. The film is billed as “the best action comedy to come out of Russia ever.” Given the gloomy past of the old Soviet Empire, that’s probably not an overstatement.
In any case, it should be observed that AFM does deliver some promising films of great artistic merit. One to keep an eye on is “From Time to Time,” starring the venerable Maggie Smith as the grandmother to a young boy who discovers he has the power to travel through time.
Attending the AFM is a fun, interesting exercise for any who loves the movies. Much like browsing through a flea market, it’s a joy to discover some gems.
I now recall that last year “The Men Who Stare at Goats,” with its impressive cast, looked like a possible winner as it was being sold at the market, and now a year later that impression proved to be prescient.
Tim Riley writes film and television reviews for Lake County News.
